IT'S BEEN A WHILE

Time pass by so fast. Its hard to noticed the days and even a year just gone. I wonder often why now that i'm in my 50's time fly so quickly and thinking back there are loads of things you haven't even started. It's quite different now in my family sad things happend u, unexpected situations were not prevented , and life was taken away from us. A love one who is so dear to me, " MY FATHER ". Yes my dearest Tatay who pass a away 6 of july 2011. It was and and until this very moment heart breaking to me and my whole family . The sadness that embraced my family. The guilt of not being there at the very moment and knowing that i could have done more than i have . to be with him to hug my father for the last time. It haunting me still at this very days , my eyes still shed tears each time i miss him which is often , when i'm alone it keeps coming back , I feel i was not given enough space , freedom to release the sadness my tears , the pain of losing him.

I know my dad is at a better place he was able to reconcile with my Lord but the strong feeling I have always and the recollection of his greatness as a father which I started appreciating only at my 40's ,I kept saying WHY?. WHY? only now I was able to completely understand , appreciate everything he has done to me and my kids and for the whole family, My Tatay is not perfect but he is one of a kind , his laughter the way he teases you and his grandchildren these are the one of the many happy moments I and my family shared with him. Each time he tries to make us laugh and smile, his dance always take out the joy from the deepest part of our hearts. He never fails to rescue you , may it be spiritual , financial basic problems he is there always and with Nanay too.

I wanted to tell the people present at the church about my Tatay but the pain, the emotions are just too great to fight at that time , I was crying hard and if i have done that i don't think there will be words spoken except people will just see in my face the hurt , and the overwhelming pain of his passing. I haven't move on completely I forgot sometimes that he is gone and when I'm in that stage I don't feel hurt or pain is not there but when I'm back to the painful reality that is he is not there anymore and I can't hug him physically , the pain comes back and each time more painful than ever. I don't know when this pain and hurt will go away but I like the feeling also because the hurt and the pain of missing him never fails to remind me how much " I LOVE MY TATAY "

The Chain

Each person is bound in an invisible chain, a chain that binds a person to God almighty. A person is never alone because he will never abandon us, we just think he did but it's us people who separate ouselves from his grace. Most people justify any form of retalliation, any reaction, that is wrong but seems right as a way to justify his actions , But is it really right even if universally its wrong. People tend to practice this to cover the guilt , to justify any action that is not of God , feelings that is not of God.
If we read the Holy Bible, history is repeated over and over again i mean the behavior, the attitude of the people , too many complains, distrust , lack fo faith and taking God for granted. It's a shame but its reality and it's true. We tend to offend God rather than please God, we complain more rather than praising Jesus of the big and small blessings that comes our way. I remember a live testimony from a person who was in the light meaning his spirit traveled and went to a holy place where he claim to see Jesus.
He said that Jeus love is unique , he loves all parts of our body that is what you feel when u see him, and his love is unique the same yet his love for you his design for you alone. Its hard to live in day to day life , trying to do good and to be kind to other people, sometimes when your kind you feel sometimes they are abusing your kindness. or they depend on you because they have none,
The chain that is invisible to each one of us that bind us to Jesus is the chain of love, faith, prayers, these can help anybody to go through life, and we must be aware that in a family we are chained to each other the more we are bound to each other , the more we are strong as a family. and if we dont break such a chain , there is no room for evil to play with each others feelings, because the circle , the chain is strong, and Gods presence in the middle shield us from evil but if we allow this chain to break then we are giving a passage for evil , what are these that will break the chain, It is sin that breaks the chain of grace from God , feelings that is not of God, if one member of the family is astray reach out for the next person and chain yourself to close the broken chain so that evil wont be able to penetrate your family.
The only way to close that broken chain is love, forgiveness, prayers , faith, these are Feelings from God. Never entertain any feeling like hate, anger, unforgivness, judging ,and giving her up . Prayers can move montain so all you need is to pray and to take her back , pray to God and not to allow any feeling that is not of god to live in your heart because if u allow hate and anger jealousy , there will never be room for love in your heart.
If evil cannot touch you shake you financially, in sickness he will always wants to find a way to shake you so you will doubt God , I hope that i have shared to my readers what I believe and pray God will protect our thoughts body and soul .

My way of helping him

Lately ,my hubby seems very short tempered which for 14 years never happened to him, I don't know if it's the age or it's the the problem he is having with his backyard piggery. For a month now he is behaving like that, he is a man of few words so most often his extra ordinary silence make me think he is off mood.
We have had few talks that lead us to disagreement and my opinion over this matter is to stop the operation for that project for the time being because it's giving us too much stress to him and to me. right at the moment we have a problem with the feeding of more than 10 pigs excluding the sow which we have 3 and I also suggested other options that is to sell some of the piglets if he is not willing to stop the operation just so we can support the feeds for the rest of the pigs. sometimes the conversation makes me angry.
since he did not agree to either of my suggestion then maybe I can do something about it find a way to help him. so thats what I did I wrote to one of his friend abroad . also I was kind of confident even deep inside it was still kind of difficult for me to do but you know how it is if you love someone you are willing to swallow your pride and find a way to help him.
Actually at first he did not know I did that because i was waiting for the reply of that person . that person also few months back asked a friend of mine if he can help my hubby with his piggery business but was just cautious as not to offend him by offering their help so she has to asked anton for advice .thats why also I was confident that she will not take it in a wrong way.
The reply was so positive and we are working on it if we can meet the condition, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the success of this communication since they are starting now to communicate to each other regarding this matter .
I thank god for all the blessings and for being there for my family at all times.

Small Backyard Piggery

Everyone is just in a relaxing mode, after the past hectic days .the whole day topic was just about the backyard piggery business which is already existing now. the problem is that we don't have an operating capital for this. since the arrival of the baby we have things to prioritized , and the reality of the matter we need a capital to run the project ,I have to suggest to my partner even if he has already a record of the expenses of the past operation we need to improve it.
A certain foreigner friend of my partner who also is a student of his in eskrima is offering to help us out with the operating capital, that's the reason that we have to layout a detailed records of the expenses and our projection so we will know if we can meet their condition as to how we will be able to pay them back in case the loan will push through and also they emphasized to us that the friendship must not suffer in the future and to avoid such we also need give an idea how we run things.
So hopefully this will be fruitful on both sides, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.If this proposal will push through john will not have anymore problem where to get the money to operate and it means also stress free.

PICTURES OF ALYSSA JOY BAPTISM

Here are some of the pictures during alyssa joy baptism. she was baptized sunday june 5,2011 in San Roque Parish Church , Minglanilla cebu city. there are i think 12 sponsor but only 3 were present. Gail. tiwtiw, Dominic.
one hour before the ceremony they will attend the seminar . also here are some of the pictures in the seminar .she is so cute and the dress is so beautiful on her he he he

RESOURCEFULNESS

Saturday was a very busy day , I mean as in I'm really busy trying to figure out what to do first the food preparation, or the tidying up the kitchen , since the past days I was busy focusing on the cleaning of my room now I kind of dont know what to do first and also I need to make or buy a dress for the baptism of alyssa joy my grand daughter but I was thinking if I'm going to buy a dress for her it's just a one very important occasion and mind you the dresses for that occasion is not that cheap but boy! expensive too. finally I decided that I will just make my own.
I cannot start making a dress yet because I need alfagina a type of cloth I need to complete the materials for the dress. so I have to wait for my daughter to buy that after she confirm to the church that the baptism will be sunday so while waiting I continued finishing touches for my room it was already in the afternoon she arrived and I started making the dress around 10 p.m until 4 a.m. I'm not a dress maker I know only the basic how to operate the sewing machine and few step how to sew but because of my effort and my strong will to really come up a dress for the baptism I was able to make a beautiful very personalized gala dress for her.
You will not believe what I use for the material for that dress. I use a white curtain cloth which is from (ukay ukay ) I think its an old stock because it is still in rolls I was supposed to make a curtain out of that so I took around one meter and half and ribbons where left over from my previous projects the only thing we bought is the alfagina and few flower patches .So on with the sewing and able to finish that 4a.m Sunday and I have to wash it and then after I wash it and I was able to see a very bright white he! he!wow wow ! really I made this oh I'm so feeling proud of myself at that moment and then I spin dry it so its nearly dry and then hang it and while waiting to so it will completely dry ,I decorate it with the flowers and I used also swarovski to compliment and so that it will have a good accent with my own design .
Time was really fast it's almost 9 and the baby has to be dressed up for church but sad to say some of the sponsor expected to attend is not available because they are out of town .It is just Gail, Tiw Tiw , dominic and chay but after they were back from church Anna and Vergel was present, Vergel is actually the brother of the father of Alyssa joy so one uncle was actually there. but the father I don't really want to talk about him . Alyssa did not use his surname so in her birth certificate ,..... there is no father in the future Chay have to explain this to her daughter being a single mother at 33 but i don't want to worry too much on that situation as of now , what is important we welcome the baby and love her that much and she is family to us, and she will be part of our lives forever, her mama melody loves her that much even if she has not yet seen the baby in person only on cam but i can feel this baby is so loved by everyone.
Most important is that the baby is now BAPTIZED the most important of all.

Moments alone

What do you do when your alone? what is it your thinking? me? I do a lot of thinking planning my day and convincing myself to be active which lately I feel so lousy maybe because I'm just tired of the sleepless night since the baby was born. and also the reality sets in that oh boy! we need extra money to buy milk and other things that babies need , i guess during my time as a first time mom I did not encounter such problem because I have a husband and both family are hand in hand trying very hard to help the young couple , well even if that marriage end up in a divorced oh sad!.... but well anyway life goes on and I have two beautiful girls because of that and now they gave me both girls also lol! I'm what you call a fulfilled grand mama .
Moments also can be enjoyable when your imagining what if I win a lotto, you know from there what happens ha! ha! ha1 the first thing you do in your imagination is the word " BUY " then after a while of enjoying that thoughts reality comes back and this time problems of daily struggle in life comes back and suddenly the mood changes after the self pity and the regrets , the comparing yourself to a person mostly you think much more successful than you are or a person who is not your friend , what follows is the the acceptance and comparing yourself again to person mostly a friend who is less fortunate than you are .... then the part where you convince yourself that I will not accept negative vibes, the next stage is the planning how to improve life situation at present and again and the thoughts that I am still lucky I'm in this position. Your moods changes again this time accepting your present situation in life and realizing that life is still good to me .
lately I found a new hobby aside playing my favorite game the farm town , I find it interesting I'm doing different scenarios of faceinhole and sometimes combining it with flower pictures and using photoshop .Try it you will find a different enjoyment after you created something , actually this is better than having moments alone lol! see a sample of what I created.