MISSING THEM

Being married at the age of 15 makes people react in so many ways , mostly they don't approved of it . As I am married at that age you could say that it was not easy starting with the comment disapproval of so many people, but the marriage has to go on, it was meant to be because God will give me two beautiful girls. A mother at 16 and having my youngest baby at 17 , too early to start to early to end, now I'm 48 , that is after 31 years of not having a baby , you miss the feeling of having babies again, and the feeling of a mother and holding a new born. I can still remember the way I look at at my beautiful baby a new life GOD has given me , silently thinking what will she become, how will she look when she is teenager, what are the features she got from me ., this are only the few of the many question you will have in your mind. AS they grow older , every parent have this fear inside their heart and that is the time when their children will leave them, and the time when they get married, because as a parent you worry what type of character, will she marry or he will have for a bride We are not born perfect so parents and daughters and sons are are not too, whatever you become you are just a person who are also bound to makes mistakes. The story of my life is very very colorful, interesting, and so many life learning situation and lesson to remember that I carry in my heart which gave me a new outlook of life, new things to adapt new situation to bare and me being a single mom after my marriage broke it changes a lot in me in and out , the first few years was so hard so painful and at time unbearable if not for my two girls , I would have ended my life because at this stage of the marraige your supposed to enjoy the new life being a wife and enjoy the growing up of the children. I love them so much that instead of thinking more on their security , their education I kept this aside because I cant bare even a single day away from them even if they say its for their future, all I was thinking is what about the days when I'm not by there beside them when they get sick, when they needed me most , I simply decided even if others think I'm stupid when in fact the family of their dad are rich and could give them what they want, but can they give the motherly love that I have for my kids never , and absent parent cannot take back the days when she is not around with her kids especially when your so far far away , I said to myself one parent is gone and one should stay . In short I fought my way to go through life with my 2 girls , it was not an easy road sometimes the road is too narrow sometimes too many stones on the road but I carry them both hoping that someday life for me anD my daughters will be different and I would be able to experience , to taste of a happy marriage together with my kids . It was a very colorful in a sense that I been through a lot and I never thought that at that young age I could survive all those and do you know why I was able to to resist the temptation of ending my life its the fear of GOD and the absolute love I have for my children. A love from a young mother that never stop growing until at this time, the love that is permanently in my heart till the end of time .

Now that I'm in my golden years my views in life also grew with me before I just want them with me and whatever I do, whatever I become whatever decision I have to make they must be with me, But when I got sick and feeling not too healthy and now they were at the right age to start their own family, my views changes because who would take care of them when I'm gone they will be alone and I don't want that to happen, AS they say "NO MAN IS AN ISLAND" I don't want them to be staying single staying with their relatives they must have their own family , if they choose to really be alone , its high time now that they will start life separate from me. MY youngest daughter was married first but she almost reach 30 luckily she married before that happened , now my eldest is still single, but she is now living away from me alone by herself and trying to learn what life has for her being single still at that age of 32, so now I'm alone with my 2nd husband and one house help and like now I have a fever and only the help is there to watch over me , I miss their care for me when I got sick one time when they were just so little , my fever stayed for more than a week I was just in the house and they take turns giving me a sponge bath to lower my fever and at night they take turns and I can see the fear in their eyes , the fear of losing me. I can feel their small hands wiping me with ice cold water , these are moments a mother would never exchange for anything the time when your kids take care of you personally because it will stay in your heart the memories, and each time you remember them it caress your heart its comforts you inside ,Now I miss my girls too much , for their care , the way they handle me, luckily my husband now is good and loving and so caring he is really a hands on husband now he is the one giving me the sponge bath I think also he enjoys doing that because each time the wet hand towel with ice cold water touches my skin I really scream and it makes me smile everytime he comforts me and expalain to me why he has to do that even with fever he will just joke about it, but you know he wont sleep until my fever goes down, I just hope you will have a husband like mine now who is really hands on when your sick and really take care of you personally.

Sometimes your mis understood by your children that when you want to share what you had learn they sometimes dismiss your advice and I felt like I'm intruding , but I'm not , I'm just simply doing my job as a mother because a mother cannot retire, i can only retire being a mother when I'm gone , maybe after life I will still look after them who knows.... they say mothers still do that. But how I wish they will make me feel that my advice is also important and I hope that they wont forget what I taught them . Because parents are so sensitive at this age all I want is their love, respect and their kind words and their tactfulness , that's all................. and to see them happy and and smiling not stress in life , becuase life is too short , so while you have still the chance to show your loveone how you love them dont hesitate because the chance that God has given you to show your parents to tell them might be shorten quickly.