Time pass by so fast. Its hard to noticed the days and even a year just gone. I wonder often why now that i'm in my 50's time fly so quickly and thinking back there are loads of things you haven't even started. It's quite different now in my family sad things happend u, unexpected situations were not prevented , and life was taken away from us. A love one who is so dear to me, " MY FATHER ". Yes my dearest Tatay who pass a away 6 of july 2011. It was and and until this very moment heart breaking to me and my whole family . The sadness that embraced my family. The guilt of not being there at the very moment and knowing that i could have done more than i have . to be with him to hug my father for the last time. It haunting me still at this very days , my eyes still shed tears each time i miss him which is often , when i'm alone it keeps coming back , I feel i was not given enough space , freedom to release the sadness my tears , the pain of losing him.
I know my dad is at a better place he was able to reconcile with my Lord but the strong feeling I have always and the recollection of his greatness as a father which I started appreciating only at my 40's ,I kept saying WHY?. WHY? only now I was able to completely understand , appreciate everything he has done to me and my kids and for the whole family, My Tatay is not perfect but he is one of a kind , his laughter the way he teases you and his grandchildren these are the one of the many happy moments I and my family shared with him. Each time he tries to make us laugh and smile, his dance always take out the joy from the deepest part of our hearts. He never fails to rescue you , may it be spiritual , financial basic problems he is there always and with Nanay too.
I wanted to tell the people present at the church about my Tatay but the pain, the emotions are just too great to fight at that time , I was crying hard and if i have done that i don't think there will be words spoken except people will just see in my face the hurt , and the overwhelming pain of his passing. I haven't move on completely I forgot sometimes that he is gone and when I'm in that stage I don't feel hurt or pain is not there but when I'm back to the painful reality that is he is not there anymore and I can't hug him physically , the pain comes back and each time more painful than ever. I don't know when this pain and hurt will go away but I like the feeling also because the hurt and the pain of missing him never fails to remind me how much " I LOVE MY TATAY "
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